Healing Your Inner Child
When my therapist first mentioned the term “inner child”, I thought she was joking. The concept that you could connect to a past version of yourself felt foreign, and if I am being honest, pretty “woo woo”. It didn’t make sense to me until she dropped her wisdom bombshell on me during one of our sessions. I was explaining to her that being a new, young mother was extremely triggering. I constantly felt angry, and didn’t understand why. Her response to me was, “Of course you’re angry. You have a little girl inside of you saying, ‘but what about me’?.” …But what about me… this might sound elementary, but it broke me open that day. The little girl within me who needed to be nurtured and cared for was crying out. I realized that this was the answer. The answer to all my pain, my rage, my resentment, and my limiting beliefs.
Following that day I decided to make it my mission to find her again. To find that little girl who had been forgotten. The little girl who grew up too fast; who was labeled as an old soul, strong, and wise for her age. Finding her not only saved me, but also my relationship with my own daughter. I became more aware of my triggers, was able to nurture the parts of me that were hurting, started being able to regulate my nervous system, and became more joyful.
Even if you can’t wrap your mind around this concept quite yet, just stay with me. Your inner child holds emotions, memories and beliefs from childhood. The inner child is a part of your subconscious mind that has been picking up messages way before you were able to conceptualize your experience. These messages may have subtle or direct, but the point is that children are incredibly adaptable and the main goal is to stay in connection. From these messages you developed beliefs that you held onto to keep you safe and/or in connection with your caregivers.
Your consciousness contains all parts of you, all of your experiences, messages you’ve received, and emotions you’ve felt. The beliefs you picked up as a child may have served you then, but could be holding you back now.
Maybe you subconsciously believe you’re not good enough, so you frequently attract people in your life who treat you poorly. Or the way to feel fulfilled is to strive for perfectionism or high achievement; maybe you’re making a lot of money but feel empty inside and don’t know why you’re not happy despite of all your success. Or maybe you believe that the people you love will abandon you, so any threat to disconnection forces you into a spiral of panic and anxiety, forcing you to latch onto the people in your life.
Getting clear on these limiting beliefs is essential to a healthy relationship to yourself and to others. It is what can allow you to break unhelpful patterns in your life and to begin to learn how to regulate your nervous system. And it all starts with inner child work.
SIGNS YOU HAVE UNADDRESSED INNER CHILD WOUNDS
You often find yourself irritable and irritated.
Expressing true emotions is scary or difficult.
Your reaction does not match the situation. Later on, you wonder why you reacted so intensely and irrationally.
You have an unhealthy relationship with boundaries, either extremely rigid or non existent.
Overworking, extreme high achievement or perfectionism.
Hyper independence, not allowing yourself to ask for help.
Chronic self-judgement, self criticism, and a pattern of invalidating yourself.
You struggle with low self-esteem or low self-worth.
You frequently attract unhealthy relationships that are toxic and tumultuous.
You stay in relationships for a long time that you know are not right for you.
Notice any of these signs in your own life? If you do, it may be time to start your inner work. Your inner child is waiting for you to give finally give them what they never had.
simple ways to connect to your inner child
Find Some Photos
Find a few photos of yourself as a child. It’s important to be able to physically see that sweet little face and look into those innocent eyes. After a while and some practice, you will be able to use those images in various meditations and visualizations.
Painting
I guarantee you loved to either draw, color, or paint as a child. Nourish your creativity by allowing yourself to sit down and paint or color. The goal is to let loose and be silly with your art, not to make it look good!
Dancing
Remember when you used to dance and not even care who was watching or what you looked like? I had completely forgotten this about myself until I had my daughter. Watching her dance and just letting her body move to the music is so inspiring. Movement is healing in so many ways, but letting yourself be silly at the same time is a beautiful way to connect to your younger self.
Connect With Nature
Get outside. Get dirty. Splash in muddy puddles. Stand barefoot in the grass. Get your hands dirty from planting in the garden. Go sit with your back against a tree, or climb it!
These are small, simple things you can do to begin the relationship with your younger self. If any of this resonated with you and you’re looking to dive deeper into inner child work to truly heal, schedule a consultation. Together we can unpack what has been holding you back and I can help you finally let go of the limiting beliefs you have been holding onto since childhood.